How to value yourself
If you sell yourself short, read on
This article is for you if you sell yourself short, if you undervalue yourself, in your work, in your relationships, in your life, as I do and as I have done for many years.
This article is for you if you would like to value yourself appropriately, ask for what you are due, earn what you deserve and date and/or relate to others from a place of self-worth.
This article is for you if you’re done playing small.
The face of wisdom
Take a look at my face in the photo above.
See the grey hairs, the freckles and skin tags, the laughter and worry lines, the wrinkles and patchy eyebrows.
They are all worth something.
This is the face of experience.
The face of knowledge and wisdom, acquired through living and learning.
Eyes that have seen so much, read so many words, cried so many tears.
Beneath the sun-scarred skin, a brain that developed differently, that wired divergently, because of childhood trauma.
A mighty brain, a creative brain, a highly attuned brain.
Dare I say, a brilliant brain.
And holding the camera but out of shot, the hands that have scribbled or typed so many words, transferring the contents of my brain to the page or the screen, ever since I was young.
The voice of experience
I am finally getting clear on my value and my worth.
Understanding why I am here, on Substack and in this world.
Appreciating all that I have to offer, my gifts and talents, and accepting that I deserve to value myself and politely ask others to do the same.
My writing here on From Midlife With Love, the coaching I offer, the workshops I host and the retreats I have run and will run again, they are the culmination of decades of growth, of healing and of heavy-lifting.
I have just worked out that I have invested more than £30,000 ($40,000) over the past 22+ years in my personal development and recovery journey, including private psychotherapy, a diploma in counselling and psychotherapy, multiple support groups, retreats, courses and stacks of books, and I continue to invest £2000 to £3000 a year.
This hefty investment in myself has supported me to heal from an eating disorder, overcome dysfunctional and codependent relationship patterns, understand and address my developmental trauma, transform my career, write a book, half-write a few more, build a business, form a healthy relationship, get married and stay married.
I add to this the 15 years I spent working as a news journalist, developing my writing skills and exercising my inquiring mind, communicating with people from all walks of life and from all over the world, writing for Reuters, Bloomberg and newspapers and magazines, along with the 11 years of blogs I penned before starting this Substack.
I also add to the melting pot of my gifts my highly perceptive and intuitive nature, honed while growing up in fear and around alcoholism, reading the room, reading people, reading between the lines, seeing what’s going on beneath the surface.
Combining all the above, I have come up with the following equation:
Knowledge + experience + brilliant, creative brain + sensitive, perceptive intuitive nature + writing skills + communication experience + investment in psychotherapy + psychotherapy training + coaching and mentoring experience + huge heart + fierce determination + passion to find purpose in my pain + desire to be of service to others = incredible value.
Yes, I’m starting to see the true extent of my talents and everything I pour into my articles and into the life-enhancing and relationship-enhancing workshops I host, starting tomorrow (see below), and will continue to host moving forwards.
Smashing the shame
And yet I still feel ashamed to ask you to invest in my words or my work.
This is the legacy of developmental trauma - a belief that the world isn’t safe, people aren’t safe, I am wrong, I’ve got it wrong, I’m going to be told off, others will be angry with me and ultimately, I won’t survive.
The good news is I’m in the transformation business - in the business of transforming myself and supporting others to transform - and I rarely shy away from a challenge.
In fact, I usually face challenges head on, because I’m a survivor and because I know that every time I take an uncomfortable action, I heal and grow.
I am also 54, somewhere between perimenopause and menopause, so it’s about time I threw off the heavy cloak of shame, stepped into the light and embodied all that I can be.
So, I will continue to walk through my fears and push against the inner voices that tell me to stay small and stay safe and that advise me to undervalue my work and to downplay my worth.
And I will continue to invite you to do the same in your life, your career and your relationships, and to offer my knowledge, wisdom and experience to support you on your healing path.
Over to You
If you can relate to selling yourself short, to undervaluing your gifts and your talents, to underpricing your work or underestimating your worth in relationships, take this article as a sign, as the nudge you need to start doing things differently.
And then start that journey today.
You’ll find some journaling prompts and an encouraging audio message below, as well as a 30 percent discount code for my Healthy Dating & Relating Workshop Series that starts tomorrow (live online or recorded). These workshops are designed for women who are looking to date in healthy ways and find a loving relationship but whether you’re single or in a relationship, looking for love or not, they will support you to grow in self-esteem, self-worth and emotional courage.
And yes, dear Reader, to unlock this extra love, I am inviting you to invest a small amount of money, because I am here to walk the walk, not just talk the talk.
If you’re not ready to invest today, I understand. I welcome you here exactly as you are and I hope that you benefited from my words. Please drop a heart or a comment or share this post with a friend.
With love from midlife,
Katherine x
Extra Love 🩷
Read on for journaling prompts, an uplifting audio message from my heart to yours, a free Fourteen Days of Love course and a 30 percent discount to my Healthy Dating & Relating Workshop Series.